Things I Don't Understand: Getting back with your ex

It seems to be a common theme lately with any/all guys I've been ... Well, fucking. Okay there's only two of them. But still.

They keep going back to their goddamn ex-girlfriends. One of them, his ex is the reason he went to jail in the first place. The other one has broken up and gotten back with his ex so many times I couldn't even tell you how many. That's how many.


Maybe I'm a bridge-burner, but once you're my ex, that means we're done. Forever. And I'm probably not going to want to associate with you again. Ever.
Granted, at this point in my life I have a total of one ex-boyfriend (who, by the way, randomly blocked me on Facebook this weekend).


I don't get people.
You already made that mistake. Stop fucking making it.







Plus I'm better than your ex anyway.

1 year, 10 months

As of tomorrow, I will be 1 year and 10 months purge-free.
(Not counting when I actually needed to throw up, like if I drank too much, which happens way to often, or if I had stomach flu or something)


It's weird to think about.
Sometimes I still get the urge to, like when I got pizza last Friday night for dinner.
I was thinking about it and thinking about it, like.. Wow this pizza makes me feel awful, but it tastes so good. I could easily just throw it up when I get home.

What stops me every time is that thought that it isn't just a one time thing. It's a compulsion. Once I start, everything has to be purged or it's no good.


Anyway, I'm trying to be healthy and shit. Like 1,500 calories a day or less.
It's hard.
I love sugar. And chocolate. And pizza.
But to be honest with you, after the first couple of bites, it never really tastes that great.
But I have to finish it all, so I might as well just not start

I've been doing yoga a lot. I found this really cool app that was like $4, and it has all these yoga classes on it. Everything from beginner 15 minute classes to super advanced expert classes. It's super calming and I like it. Maybe I told you guys about that already. Maybe not.

I have these two pairs of jeans that I want to be able to wear by the new year. They're not THAT small, but they're small enough that they're super uncomfortable. And I think like minus ten or fifteen pounds and they would fit alright. At least enough that I could wear them to stretch them out a bit.

Sorry, I'm rambling. But whatever.

Reasons You Should Not Fuck Your Drug Dealer

1. Because free drugs aren't worth feeling like shit after.
2. Because he'll always care about his ex-girlfriend more than you.
3. Because he always has to be right, which means you'll always be crazy.
4. Because you might actually catch feelings, which he'll never return.
5. Because he isn't actually good looking.
6. Or good in bed.
7. Or a good human being.
8. Or nice.
9. He's just a jerk looking for something to stick his dick in.

I am in a void.

I feel incomplete.

I eat and it doesn't fill me up.
I sleep and it doesn't make me less tired.

Human interaction is the most exhausting part of my day.
My Ritalin barely helps anymore.




My doctor thinks I need to go see a counselor, that I have warning signs of depression.
When did they start screening for depression at the doctor's office?
It must be new.



It's unseasonably warm here. I live in a place that typically gets record amounts of snow per year. So far we've only had it one day.
I can remember years where it started snowing in the beginning of October and didn't stop until the end of May.


But there's no snow.
It's 50 degrees out. Fahrenheit.
I don't know what to do.

Puzzle Pieces.

Have you ever known someone who was like an extension of yourself? Your real self, not the many facets of your soul that you show to the world. When we met, it was like cars colliding on a busy highway, and after long nights of drinks and drugs and sex, there came a peaceful time of movies and cats and soda. We moved to the same rhythm, worked to the same tune. Our souls were puzzle pieces, and we fit somehow. I don’t know who noticed it first. But we were both scared. Scared of each other but I think scared of ourselves and how could any one person be so easy to talk to? I was willing to dive. Willing but hesitant, because you, worldly and jaded, made the rules. And you, jaded and weary cut the ties. I thought I would never again be able to trust my feelings about people. How could I have thought that someone like you could fit with someone like me? Only now I realize our souls are puzzle pieces, perfectly matched in shape and size but unfortunately not in color or design.

A little clarification is in order.

@Sam Lupin, I'm sorry if I worried you. I have been working pretty hard to eat healthy (granola bars are my current vice).
I want to lose weight by exercising and eating right, and my new job allows me a free gym membership.
Now, usually I'm so tired from my day (which is only five hours, so I don't know why I'm always so tired...) that I take naps in the middle (I work 7-9 and 3-6) and go to bed super early. So I'm trying to find time in there to work out. Hopefully I can get my life together and work out in the in-between times. I would like that a lot. I miss being strong and I miss running.

I hate running.
But I miss being able to run without the pain of shin splints.


The struggles of being fat.

Well... I figured it out.

The answer to my recent bout of sadness is quite obvious now.

Thanks to the steady stream of blood gushing from my... Well, you get it.




I would really like to lose some more weight soon. Yes.

I'm very sad.

I don't really have a whole lot of words right now.
I just started a new job and I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate living with my parents.
I hate not being in college.
I feel very much alone.

Basically, with this job, I ended up with a position that puts me in charge of an entire before/after school program. So I have to make all the lesson plans and themes and do all the paperwork and I wish that I had been hired for the lower assistant position because I have literally no idea what I'm doing.

Nothing I do is ever good enough for my dad.


I miss my friends from college. I feel like I don't have any friends here. The people I work with are nice, but I want to go back to when things didn't matter and I could just live how I wanted.


I hate everything about myself.

Living at home

Is the absolute worst thing in the world.

My dad has cancer whoop de fucking doo. He got his treatment and now he's recovering from that treatment, and because of that, my mom and I are constantly walking on eggshells.
Every time I try to talk to him or tell him about a job I'm looking at applying for, he always comes back with some rude bitchy with a rude bitchy tone comment about how "Why don't you apply for a job in the field you have a degree in?" "We put a roof over your head and food on your plate, so until you start getting a paycheck, you better start doing some fucking work."

JESUS CHRIST I'VE BEEN HOME ONE WEEK.

I was talking to my mom about my resume, and her coworker who is going to help me fix it up, and he starts in with shit about, "You're 22 years old just fucking do it yourself."


I'm so close to just packing my car with as much stuff as possible and moving the fuck out.

I can live in my car until I find a job, right?

Hi.

I got a new computer and I couldn't remember the email I used for this blog and I almost had an aneurysm and cried for a solid 10 minutes before I remembered.

I lost 20 pounds since my tonsillectomy and at camp.

Yay.



I'm cutting my hair off on Tuesday and I'm trying to be a real person. I'm living with my parents.

Post-grad life sucks.

Starving In Suburbia

So there's this Lifetime movie called "Starving In Suburbia" that came out in 2014. It's about a dancer who becomes anorexic after logging onto a "pro-ana"website.

I don't know if any of you have seen it, or how you feel about it.
It started out okay, kind of cheesy.
And then turned into this horror film type deal. Honestly, I'm just laughing about it.

THEN this GOD AWFUL twist ending. Dear Lord.

I could go on.
I don't recommend watching it.
It's terrible.

Sluggish.

Lately I've been feeling really slow and heavy and not like a real person.
And I can almost guarantee that it's because I eat like crap 24/7.
So I put together a little detox for myself that I'm going to try. It's mostly just eating fruits and veggies and drinking water. Essentially.
There are a few days in the detox (it's 21 days long) that are "free" where I can eat what I want, mostly because I'm either at home those days or will be heavily drinking those days. So, free days.

I've decided that if I miss a day or mess up a day, one of those free days will be replaced with the day I fucked up. Also, I'm starting today with just water to get myself in the mood.


And also I don't want to be this fantastically bloated for graduation. So there you go.

What I Ate Today

-1 grapefruit with 2 tablespoons sugar
-3 glasses of milk (1 with chocolate syrup)
-1 pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket
-1 medium iced caramel latte
-1 cheese stick
-2 slices of pepperoni pizza
-5 slices of bacon
-2 pieces of toast with butter
-3 handfuls of sunflower seeds

I feel like my entire day today was just devoted to eating and sleeping.
I have got to remember to take my meds every day.

I've been feeling really down lately. I think it's partially the weather (overcast, rainy/snowy), and partially my hormones out of whack, but it's also that I don't really like myself at all.
Overall, I've done some bad things and made some bad choices, and instead of really truly feeling guilty about them or even sorry about them, it all just turns into how much I hate myself for being fat.

On a bright note, turns out I will be getting my tonsils out. June 8. Happy graduation to me.

I want more pizza.

I've been thinking...

It's 26 days until I graduate with a BA in English. 26 days until I have to go be a real adult (only not really, because I get to go work at camp for one more summer).

There's so much to do and so little time, I don't know how I'm going to accomplish anything.

Meh.

So today was an EPIC binge day (by recent standards anyway). What's weird, really, is that my binges now compared to what they used to be (especially back when I was purging) are pretty much nothing. I mean, they're certainly not NORMAL, but... And my daily food intake, while calorie counts are usually pretty high, for any other person would be pretty normal.

Anyway.
Today I Ate:
-1/2 pack of chocolate Necco wafers
-1 huge bowl (at least two cups worth) of Honey Bunches of Oats w/almonds and cashew milk
-1 box of Buncha Crunch candy (like movie theatre sized, the $1 boxes)
-1 box of Butterfinger Bites
-1 box of Milk Duds
-1 box of chocolate covered peanuts
-1/4 bag of Doritos
-1 turkey sandwich
-1 cup of barbecue chips
-1 bowl (whole box) of Jello

So basically a lot of food.
Gonna try to get back on track tomorrow.
I feel a little sick. I think it's the turkey sandwich. Turkey gives me heartburn.
Everything gives me heartburn.

I love you all very very much, Bella and Anne thank you for your comments. :) I'm gonna try to get back to commenting soon. I didn't really realize how difficult daily life is without my ADHD meds, and I left them in my room at school.
Also, I may be getting a tonsillectomy. Fingers crossed.
Love you.

Purging.

So as many of you know, I've been purge-free for a really long (for me anyway) time now. I think it's over a year at this point.

Anyway, the thought hasn't crossed my mind in a really long time until tonight.
And I'm not gonna.
I know I'm not gonna.
But it scares me that I considered it.

Disappearing and reappearing.

Most of my life at this point is fading in and fading out of different things. I haven't blogged in a really long time, and I feel like shit for it.
My weight has been ungodly stable for the past six weeks. I took an exercise class called Body Boot Camp which killed me. I didn't change my eating habits, but I also didn't gain weight, so I guess there's something to be said for crap massive amounts of exercise.

I've been drinking a lot (I mean, not a lot by alcoholic standards, but more than I usually do). Usually I only go out one night a week (Friday or Saturday), but lately I've been going out and drinking (not necessarily heavily) at least three nights a week.
So there's that.
I had strep last week for the sixth time this year.


I feel weird. Weird and sad. I'm home this week for spring break. But I haven't felt sad in awhile. Maybe I'm just coming down off of not being around people for awhile.

The past two days have been eat, sleep, record what I eat, go for a run.
I can't run very far.
Or very fast.
It's quite cold here.

For those of you that do still read my blog even though I'm awful and never post anymore, you should check out my fabulous friend Anne @ http://anneisback.blogspot.com. She's wonderful, and you all would love her.


That's all.

Feeling better... And worse.

Better:
-I called my mom and told her everything. She said she loves me and she's going to help me get through whatever legal things I need her help with.
-I've lost about 10 pounds since getting back to school.
-Along with the ten pounds, almost 2 inches off my waist, hips, bust measurements.
-I'm slowly building up a list of guys I can text when I'm drunk to hook up with. I have, like, three right now. Cha-chiiing.

Worse:
-I'm getting sick from lack of sleep.
-I think it might be strep again. I've had strep 5 times already this year.
-My wisdom teeth still aren't completely healed and that blows.

Current weight: 220
Current mood: apathetic

YESTERDAY I ate:
-10 chicken nuggets
-1 medium french fry
-1 shamrock shake
-4 cups of margarita punch
-1 grilled cheese
-1 cheese stick
-3 cups of milk
-1 bowl of mac and cheese


Holy crap that's a lot of food.

A long and involved story of my life the past week.

Feel free to skip to happier things.


So, I can't say a whole lot about it, but last Wednesday I was arrested for petty larceny. It has been a ridiculous ordeal, and I haven't really been able to eat or sleep because of it. I met with a lawyer today, and he said that he will most likely (like 90% sure) be able to get the charges dropped down to a violation (trespassing). The good thing about a trespassing violation is that it isn't a criminal charge and won't go on my record.
The bad news is that my attorney fees alone are $800, plus possible fees from the court. I have about $270 in my bank account right now.

So today I went to a few different banks asking about loans. I applied for a credit card (which I will hopefully be able to get) just in case I'm not able to get a loan in time. One placed I asked had a minimum loan of $5000 (which is excessive) and the other place I asked said that my income wasn't good enough to qualify without a guarantor (like my parents). I haven't told my parents yet, so that's not an option.

I need to have this $800 by next Thursday. I'm going to a couple more banks tomorrow to see about different loans. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do if I'm not able to get a loan or a credit card.


I made a stupid mistake and now it's costing me. I regret it more than anything. Not really a whole lot more to say.

Today, in food.

Yesterday I Ate:
-2 crackers
-1 slice of coconut cheese
-1 slice of lavender cheese
-3 bites of taco
-2 small bags of Cool Ranch Doritos
-2 glasses of pink lemonade
-2 lime-flavored Tostitos

One of my friends brought some really cool cheese from the Netherlands. It's weird. But oddly good.

Today I Ate:
-1/2 cup taco meat
-1/2 cup lime-flavored Tostitos
-1/4 cup taco cheese
-1 glass of chocolate milk (skim)
-1/2 cup 2% milk

I'm scared.

On the mend.

My swelling is almost completely gone. I'm still having trouble sleeping though. Thank God for narcotics.

So my final semester of college started... Without me. I had to stay an extra day at home to meet with my oral surgeon again.
I'm taking a boot camp class, a yoga class, a literature class, and a painting class. It's gonna be a good time.




@Anne; It's so good to hear from you! It has been a really long time, and very few of the original group are left, sadly. :( Keep on being amazing! <3

Diagnoses and Jello.

So I have officially been diagnosed with "an infected hematoma on both sides" of my mouth. I have a large dosage of antibiotics. And more pain meds.

I've also managed to lose almost ten pounds since Monday (It's Thursday right now), because I've been subsisting on water, Jello, and the occasional bowl of chocolate ice cream.


But man, right now, I am STARVING.
So, I have a big bowl of jello, a bowl of chocolate ice cream, and a small bowl of shredded cheddar cheese (because, though I am on the mend, I'm still kind of unable to eat solid food. Maybe tomorrow. Oh God, hopefully tomorrow.

My mother has been a saint all through this. She heats up my heating pads and brings me water bottles, and buys me ice cream. I haven't even really been able to enjoy the ice cream, which is the shitty part.

Also, I have to miss the first day of classes, which bums me out. We don't usually have "syllabus week," my professors always like to dive right in, but missing the first day is so awkward...

Yikes.

I got my wisdom teeth out today.
It really sucks. I have two ridiculously swollen cheeks and giant bruises on my chin. Luckily, I only had to get the bottom two out.

Also, it's my birthday right now.
Yay. 22 is here. So exciting.

We celebrated my birthday on Saturday, since I had to stop eating at a certain point last night.
And the Patriots won the Super Bowl! I love football, sorry.

I've always had a really lame phone, like one of the cheap-o ones that only costs like 20 bucks, and no data plan, and my dad surprised me this year with a trip to the phone store, a data plan, and a new phone. It's pretty freaking awesome, and I'm really excited. I also got, like, seven new books from Barnes and Noble. Overall, good birthday, before the birthday even happened. :)

I'm more or less hopped up on painkillers right now. They gave me hydrocodone, and I also take Motrin with it for the swelling/fever (apparently after oral surgery you can have a fever for a little bit... The more you know!). I'm terrified of getting dry sockets, which is like an infection when the clot comes out too soon. I really really really don't want that.
But it's really hard because I'm a stomach sleeper, and now, not only do I have to sleep on my back, but I have to sleep sitting up. So, shit.

I wish

I wish I could just reach into my body and scrape out all the fat and throw it away. I wish I was actually attractive, and that every time someone told me I looked beautiful that I didn't automatically assume they were lying.

Well, I haven't really lost any weight.

It's been two weeks, I've worked out and that just goes to show you that diet is like 3000% (rough estimate) of losing weight. Out of 14 days, I've worked out a total of 10 of them, which for me is pretty good.

But like, I've gained weight. Maybe from drinking, but who knows. Probably. Or maybe it's all of the ice cream I STUFF DOWN MY THROAT.

That could be it too.

I was embarassingly drunk last night.

I'm kind of over this townie, now I remember why I was kind of meh about him last year.
I'm still going to break up with my boyfriend though.

Too much, too much, too much.

On one note, I think I'll be breaking up with my boyfriend on Wednesday.

On another note, I feel really weird right now.
I THINK it's just my Ritalin kicking in, but it usually doesn't make me hot and sweaty. But I have taken three today, so there's that.

I feel like I'm going a mile a minute and everything else is passing by me so slowly. Like a fly could fly in front of my face and I would catch it. I could conquer the world.
But I'm really sweaty.


Also I have ice cream. Huzzah.

This is probably a really discombobulated post right now. I feel manic. I feel like if I don't DO something the whole world will fall apart. I'm constantly misspelling things because I'm trying to type as fast as my brain is moving.

Whoa.

Guys, it is so so SO hard not to just jump on this guy every time I see him. He's like 6'3, so he's almost a whole foot taller than me, and... Ugh. I could listen to him talk about freaking dust mites and still be interested. He has this deep, late-night radio announcer type voice.

He came over last night. Nothing happened, but we slept in the same bed and talked forever. I don't know. I just feel way more comfortable around him than I do my boyfriend. I'm not sure why.
I think I just don't really like my boyfriend all that much, and I never really have.


I'm going through like, severe mood swings right now. It may partially be because I didn't get to the gym today, and it may also be because I don't like this kid, and I have no reason to not like him, or maybe I do. Let's make a list.

Pros:
-Occasionally considerate
-Got me a really nice Christmas present (not being a materialistic bitch, we both decided we weren't doing presents and he just decided on his own to get one for me and even talked to my friends to see what I'd like)
-Nice enough
-Really likes me, God only knows why

Cons:
-Considers sex a "requirement" for a relationship
-Sucks at sex (and won't accept coaching, because apparently rapidfire jackhammer pace is what I want all the time, and I don't get a choice. *sarcasm*)
-Constantly pushes for sex without a condom, which, even though I'm on BC makes me really uncomfortable
-Has a lot of double standards
-Will occasionally slap/pinch/grab me in a "playful" way, even though I've told him multiple times that I don't like it and that it hurts more than he thinks it does


It's really hard to be objective about this though.

Hi.

I feel like I've been kind of missing.
It's only been two days but I feel like so much has happened.

I will be breaking up with my boyfriend soon. I don't know how soon. But soon.

I do this thing when I don't want to be with someone or friends with someone, where I just start being really antagonizing. It's nice, because then I don't have to do the relationship-severing. But like, I'm a bad person.

On a similar note, I really want to hook up with this other guy. I'm not going to cheat on my boyfriend, trust me. But I've wanted to hook up with him since like the last time we hooked up.
So like pretty much how it looks is that I want to break up with my boyfriend, just to hook up with this other guy.
And that's partially it, but not completely.

I'm just tired of being in a relationship. How sad is that? We've been dating almost three months. That's just pathetic. I mean, it's my first actual relationship, but still...

The scale dipped below 225 today. It's a really shitty scale, it's not even digital, so I don't know how much I trust it.
I think I'm going to have to go buy one of my own.

Oh boy.

Today I ate like total crap.
I don't even want to get into it.

We did this thing called Crazy Eights today. It's eight different exercises, eight reps, eight times through. In our class time, we only got through six times, eight reps each, and holy crap am I going to be sore tomorrow.

I went to the gym on Friday, and got really drunk Friday night. I highly recommend you try a gin and ginger at some point in your life... Yum.

So I have a boyfriend, right? It's a nice relationship, but I don't really see it being long term, especially not once I graduate.
There's this guy who I hooked up with a few times last year (he's older, like 29. I'm 21), and he's actually back in town (he was in jail; I know, I sure know how to pick 'em) every so often. He's super hot, has the whole beard and man bun thing going.  I don't know what it is about the man bun, but show me a guy with a good one and I'm like... Not gonna be inappropriate, but use your imagination. And he's big too, like not fat (I mean, I think he might have gotten a little fat in jail), but he's tall and just like generally big, which obviously makes me feel better about myself since he obviously weighs more than me. But mostly because he's actually a giant.
On Friday night, he messaged me on Facebook and asked what I was doing that night, assuming I would be going to my friend's boyfriend's apartment that night (which is how we originally met). But my friend didn't go out Friday night, so I didn't really feel comfortable just showing up.
He said he would come over and we would hang out. This was around 3am.
Ten minutes later, he tells me "Oh, I'm gonna be a good person and not come over."
Turns out my friend's boyfriend, who is also somewhat friends with my boyfriend, convinced him not to come hang out.
I was so livid, like OH MY GOD I am not that terrible a person, I am not going to cheat on my boyfriend. I mean, I'm pretty terrible but I'm not THAT terrible.


Anyway, rant over. Sorry about it.

I ate a salad.

Shocking, I know.

So yesterday was a total body workout, that kicked my ass HARD. Today we relaxed a little with yoga, and I feel so great.
I really need to add yoga into my daily life. I mean, it kicked my ass too, but after I just feel like, "Wow, I could potentially conquer the world today."
Or eat a salad.

I did the latter.

Yesterday, eating was not great. I mostly grazed in the afternoon, I had fitness class until 1:30 and work at 3:30, so there wasn't much time for anything big. I had pizza for dinner and dessert. I love me some dessert. Mint chocolate chip ice cream, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup. And some Reese's holiday candy I found under my bed.

But the good news is, the pizza is gone. So there's no more of that nonsense.

Today, I've eaten:
-1 granola bar
-1 salad (lettuce, spinach, strawberries, carrots)
-1 piece of fried/oven chicken
-5 cherries
-1 cup of green tea

And I've been recording music. So there's that. :)

Things are okay.

I had my fitness class today, along with a meeting for my senior project. Which I have not started yet. It's due in three weeks. Fuck.

In fitness, we did a spin class today, which is just stationary bikes. It was really hard. I think the most difficult thing about it was how my my freakin' ass hurt! It still hurts, I think that seat bruised my butt bone. I really really REALLY need to unpack and organize my life, but I just don't wanna.. Ugh.

Today, I Ate:
-2 egg whites/1 yolk scrambled eggs with cheddar cheese
-2 pieces of white bread with margarine
-2 largeish raviolis
-1 bag Reese's Pieces
-2 slices of pepperoni pizza
-1 bag of peanut M&Ms
- 2 M&M cookies
-1 sugar-free RedBull

I don't feel like looking up calorie counts right now, and I'm not sorry about it.


@Lee; Yeah, drunk-eating is never a good time. It always seems perfect at the time, then in the morning, it's just like "What have I done??" But the whole drinking and being drunk thing is usually a good time. Someday soon I'm definitely going to have to cut alcohol out of my life. But today is not that day.

@Sam Lupin; I feel you so hard on being a Zumba nut. I'm actually obsessed and it's kind of not okay. But totally okay at the same time. Once I finish cleaning my room, I am going to sit down and watch the fuck out of those videos. Being a year purge-free is really daunting, but I feel so light (I know, ironic, I'm a fatass). That voice in my head that used to always nag me whenever I started feeling even a bit full is almost all but gone now. My teeth are better, my skin is better, I don't get wicked headaches anymore. I feel free. And yeah, the camp weight loss? Five pounds heavier. My clothes were falling off of me at the end of the summer. I had to punch new holes in all my belts. I'm pretty sure it's because of how physical my job is, because I lose weight every summer, but that summer, I never worked out, and I had just come off of a year of starving myself. Which, I guess goes to show you that exercise definitely improves weight loss (or fat loss in this case), but I'm lazy as all hell. P.S. I absolutely fucking love you too. <3

Back to school...

So I'm back. My life has exploded all over my room, so I'm going to spend the rest of today taking care of that.
My first class was today, I'm taking a fitness class for the month of January. Each week, Monday through Thursday, we cycle through a whole bunch of different workouts, like Zumba, cycling, and stuff like that. Today, we just did a fitness baseline, to see where we're starting, and at the end of the month, we'll do another assessment to see if anything has changed.
I'm going to start mapping out my meals (aka not eating 20 chicken nuggets on a Sunday night because I'm wasted... Cough last night cough).
I got a nice little new notebook to record everything in.

Also, I'm a month away from being purge-free for a year, and it kind of makes me want to cry a little bit. I never thought it would be possible.

Thank you for all your beautiful comments on my posts, they really brighten my day. :) I'm awful with commenting, but I'm going to try to get back into it.

@Lee; Here's to freaking hoping that this year will be better. I have faith. This past year was better than the two years before (for me, at least).
@Tali; I would LOVE it if you would send me your routines! I've been trying to get back into lifting forever and just can't seem to stick to anything. Once this class starts kicking my ass and all the New Years "Gotta Work Out/Bikini Body 2k15" bitches have left the gym, I'm going to try to get back into the gym as well!
@Kitty; Yeah, bread&carbs are actually some of the absolute worst triggers for my heartburn. Same with tomatoes and tomato byproducts (ketchup, sauce), beer, and chocolate... So basically my normal diet, haha. :) I just have to be more conscious of what I'm eating and if it's really worth it.

2015 Goals and such

So I need to start making a plan for 2015. I can't just sit around eating Haagen Dazs and M&Ms all day. SHOCKINGLY, despite all the drinking and fantastic food, I am the same weight I was when I left for New Hampshire, which means I've lost about 5 pounds over the past 3 weeks. Not fantastic, but for having strep twice and pneumonia, I think it's not too shabby.

I can't wait for Monday so I can get my new Ritalin prescription.

2015 Goals

-Lose at least 10 lbs a month
-Establish and follow an exercise program
-Eventually eliminate all/most junk food
-Continue caring for skin, try to avoid breakouts
-Get heartburn under control
-Eat at least 3 salads a week
-Keep a journal
-Move out of my parents house
-Support myself


I'll add to this as I think of more, I'm sure.

Happy New Years

I've been in New Hampshire eating a lot and drinking a fuck ton and getting fatter every day.
I think I want to break up with my boyfriend.
He's annoying.