Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Spoke too soon

Last night, after 3 hours of sleep, 20+ hours without food and 12+ hours working on an intense assignment, I ate some pretty crappy food. Did you know that those personal-sized frozen pizzas are upwards of 600cals? That's just ridiculous to me. Almost ridiculous as the "1/2 pizza" serving size (so the food doesn't look like a total calorie bomb). I know portions, especially in the U.S., are ridiculously large, but it's ridiculous to think that half of this tiny ass pizza is a full meal.
I also got candy, and after two Reese's PB cups, one king size Snickers and five or six mini Milky Way bites, I was done. I thought I was gonna puke.
It's a crap ton of godawful food, but nothing compared to what I usually eat.

Today I am trying to recover from the lack of sleep, but not really succeeding. Love you all.

Monday, March 27, 2017


Trigger warning: numbers follow

I've been doing pretty okay the past week. Things are kind of coming together as they usually do after I have several weeks of apathy.

I've been working on keeping my calorie count below 1500, preferably at 1200 per day. I have had candy only twice since last week (one king size Milky Way and one king size Snickers). Shockingly enough, I didn't even go over my calorie counts for those two days.
I'm down about three pounds, which is no doubt water weight, but it's nice to see the scale drop instead of steadily increase.

Last year from April to August, I lost 50lbs. I gained 37 of them back from September to March. I'd like to lose those 37lbs before I leave for my summer job (600 miles away from home).
I want my clothes to fit. I want to go into a dressing room and be surprised by how big things are on me, instead of struggling to squeeze my fat ass into clothes that are too small. I want to feel comfortable in jeans again instead of always wearing stretchy leggings. I want to feel comfortable in my professional clothes instead of t-shirts and sweatshirts and flannels.

Friday, March 17, 2017

Don't know what's wrong with me.

All I want to do is sleep all day long.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't new, but it used to be that I couldn't sleep due to my Adderall. Now, it's like not even that prescription (which was upped in December) can keep me from sleeping all day.
I don't know if I'm sick or depressed or what.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the antidepressants my doctor prescribed. Or the fact that I've been off them for the past week.
I dunno though. I want to say I doubt it, because it was such a small dose, but on the other hand... I was doing really well before I went off them. They helped curb the insomnia from the Adderall, which was the only thing I really noticed, but that meant I actually got a good night of sleep.

But right now, all I want to do is lay in bed. I'm not even all that excited by the prospect of food (not that it keeps me from eating like a wildebeest).
I hate feeling like this.