Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Two finals down...

One project (due 7pm today) and one final (take home portion due tomorrow at 4pm, in-class portion tomorrow at 4:20pm) left to go.

Then it's time to pack my life up and head back home. I'm so anxious about everything that I'm paralyzed. I haven't even started this project yet, I've just been sitting in bed eating peach gummies and watching pointless videos while waiting for my meds to kick in.

I think I need a different antidepressant prescription, or at least something stronger. The one I'm on doesn't really seem to do much.

Thank you all so much for your lovely comments. I love hearing from you <3

Sunday, May 7, 2017

Endings and beginnings

This week, finals week, marks the end of my first year of grad school. One more semester, and I will have my master's degree and will be searching for a full time job.
On June 3, I leave for North Carolina, 10 hours away from home, to start my new summer job. This will be my first summer in 7 years away from the camp I love, and it will be the longest and farthest I've ever been from home.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.
But I am excited, too.

I've spent the last week packing up my things and bringing stuff home. I officially move out of my apartment this coming Friday. I will miss it. But I think that living on my own is not healthy for me. Weight-wise, depression-wise, procrastination-wise. I have a lot to do in the next week, and it's stressing me out.
But I think I'll make it.

Monday, May 1, 2017

Off the wagon

I have officially gained back all the weight I lost last year. It's made me moody and grumpy and antisocial and blah.
I just can't stop fucking eating.
Sweets and pizza and carbs on carbs. I feel like the mayor from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs. One day, losing weight and happy, the next day, I've ballooned 45 lbs.

I'm on antidepressants now. I don't remember if I've mentioned that.
I don't know that they work.
It's a super low dose, so that probably has some effect. The only good thing they do is help me sleep. It's really hard to fall asleep on Adderall.

None of my clothes fit anymore. Not even my XL tshirts. Well, I guess they "fit". But I prefer my clothes to be baggy. I miss how small I was back in high school. I'd like to get there again. Maybe soon.

Been considering veganism. Definitely going dairy-free, as I think I'm lactose intolerant. We'll see what happens.