I feel like a monster.

I've started a food journal, because I've been eating way too fucking much. 

"The secret side of me, I never let you see

I keep it caged but I can't control it

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly

I feel the rage and I just can't hold it."

And I've purged more in the past two weeks than I did all summer. I'm really not very happy with this whole guy situation. 

The guy that is from my hometown, who I got drunk and high with and made out with has literally not talked to me since. I'm trying to decide if he's scared of me or just an asshole.

I don't want to think he's an asshole, because I really do think he's nice.

Maybe he thinks that I want something more and he doesn't.

Well, I don't. We can still be friends, jerk.

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I must confess that I feel like a monster

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun

I must confess that I feel like a monster."

On another note, I love pistachios. I've been eating pistachios and Fun Dip for the past week compulsively. My friends don't understand. I think it's the whole need-for-taste thing. You know, that Marya Hornbacher talks about in "Wasted"? Like pure salt, pure sugar, etc.

Whatever.

Lyrics are from "Monster" by Skillet.