This used to be a game. A game of numbers and calculations and somewhere along the way I lost that.
That sounds wrong. A game insinuates fun. Eating disorders are not a game.
But they kind of are. In a really sick way.
I need to get back to numbers. Because numbers are safe. And numbers make sense.
And numbers make progress.
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Oh my god you're right. I was wondering why I could do it before and not now and you just said it. It was fun before. I counted calories like crazy because I enjoyed losing the weight and getting dizzy and see how little I could eat for the day. I just have to get back to that. I have to make it fun as sick as that sounds. Thanks for enlightening me :)
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks for enlightening me also! I have never fully been able to treat is a numbers game, I have told myself each day 'i want this so bad' or 'I'm going to starve myself' or 'in 100 days I'll lose 40pounds' and yet there's no real numbers, no real method - that i stick to anyways I need to get my head into this numbers game... I adore your blog by the way - keep it up and we'll get there xxx
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