I am still processing a bit right now. I lost an old friend a few weeks ago to a car accident. We hadn't spoken in a long time, but she was actually one of my campers from my first years as a camp counselor, and I watched her grow up at camp. She was only 23.
Since August, I have lost about 10lbs through my nutritionist's plan for me. It's frustrating because the insidious disordered eating part of me is constantly whispering that things are moving too slowly. And to be fair, they are (mostly because of me). I had a monstrous four-day food and alcohol binge this past weekend visiting friends, which is probably the only slightly acceptable excuse. I spent $75 on vegetables and healthy food for this week in an attempt to make up for it... We'll see how that goes.
I'm also currently working on a baby blanket for another friend of mine who has a shower coming up. I'm praying that I won't run out of the yarn I'm using again, because they only had one skein of it when I last went to the store. It's going to be grey granny squares with a white border and it will have little pink flowers decorating it. Maybe I'll take a picture once it's done, but I have to... you know, finish it first. And then get started on a new one, since I have more friends trying to get pregnant now.
Overall, my life is not particularly interesting these days. There's no boy drama (because I'm fat and unattractive, mainly), there's no friend drama (because we're all adults and don't start shit anymore), there's no work drama (because my job is amazing and I would die before leaving it)...
I'm currently 27 years old, turning 28 in February. I started blogging at 16. I am... ridiculously fat right now. I'm making a goal for myself that I will be back to a healthy weight/"normal" weight BMI by 30 years old. I want to run again (but I can't, because my knees ache). I want to go backpacking again (knees). I want to be able to sleep in my hammock without having to stress about not being compliant with my CPAP (that one isn't a weight thing, it's an overbite thing, but still). I want to have energy and I want to find someone to be with for the rest of my life.
Being alone is exhausting.
I’m so sorry for your loss <3
ReplyDeleteFollowing nutritionists advice can be frustrating. Even if you’re getting the results you want, the disorder side of your brain still says it’s wrong. I know it’s easier said than done, but try to remind yourself that it’s not a race, and you are getting there. Your goal sounds realistic. As for getting back to running, maybe an elliptical trainer could be a good step when you’re ready, since they’re lower impact?
I definitely want to see pics of the baby blanket! I can’t knit or crochet to save myself.
Take care of yourself <3
xx