Did it again

Missed my anniversary again. Have not been making good food choices lately, but I am 6 years free of purging.


It's been a long time since I've used Blogger regularly. It feels very different now.


When I first started blogging, on my original blog (not this one), I was 16 years old. It was 2009. I was scared and lonely and felt like I had no one.
On Blogger, I found a community of broken people, full of problems and mistakes, where we all fit together perfectly. The summer after I started my blog, I started work at a summer camp that became my home. I met people who changed my life, who accepted me as I was and taught me valuable lessons. Probably the most valuable lessons took me many years to accept, and sometimes I still doubt the truth of it. I worked there full-time for seven years, and still go back on a regular basis to help out and visit the place and the people I love.


I am worthy of love, even if I still struggle to love myself.
I am appreciated by my friends and family, even if they don't speak the words aloud.
I am here on Earth, living a life, and I like the general direction I'm in, even if some of the specifics aren't ideal.



Since my first blog post in 2009, I have done so much. I graduated from high school, then college. I went to grad school and got my Master's Degree. I have a full time job with the government now (pot-smoking, been-arrested-once, constantly-finding-trouble me - can you believe it??). I know that I am not healthy. I've gained a lot of weight (16-year-old me would be appalled), but I've made peace with the fact that getting back to a healthy weight will take time. I know that I will never have the body I always wanted, the tinyslim, flat stomached, thigh-gapped perfection that haunted my sketchbooks. But the body that I have has literally carried me over mountains. And that is something to remind myself of when I'm feeling bad that my pants won't button.



This may be my last blog post, and it may not. I feel like I come on here once a year or so to check on everyone. I don't know how many (if any) of you are still out there. Things are crazy in the world right now. But I love you, and I hope you are safe.



Love,
Charlie