"I am the one thing in life I can control, I am inimitable, I am an original."
I've spent a long time hating myself and doing things to myself that make me hate myself even more. I am back on the Keto wagon (for now), and I am currently tapering off of my Adderall for a non-stimulant ADHD treatment (Wellbutrin). We'll see how it goes.
Every time I get one of these new medications, the doctors always say, "Well one of the side effects is typically weight loss" and to that I laugh and say (in my head), "You underestimate my bingeing abilities."
Overall life is uninteresting right now. I am not particularly social as I do not like how I look, which means it's been a lot of sleeping and working and binge-watching Netflix. I opened at work today at 5AM, so I want to take a nap right now but my room is so cold it's impossible, so I'm sitting in the kitchen.
Nothing sounds particularly appetizing to me right now besides a Mocha Frappe from McDonald's (which I can't have). It's like 900 calories and 95g carbs and so delicious but not worth it. I got addicted to them over the summer (got one almost every morning on my way to work), but I can't afford that life anymore. Weight-wise or money-wise.
Maybe I'll dig my heated blanket out of storage.
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i love you so much. ugh. i wish i could meet you sometimes, and i would totally drink a mocha frappe with you even if it has 900 calories. <3
ReplyDeletei'm currently being awful and not logging some liquids that i know are higher calories, because i noticed it doesn't make much of an effect on my weigh-ins as i thought it might. so... i'm a bad dieter. my (probably) 500 calorie coffee is 185 according to MFP.
you're wonderful.
- Sam Lupin