Didn't get accepted to go to Ghana in January..

Obviously it's because I'm too enormous to fly on a plane.

One of my kind of friends, who got into the sorority I didn't get into, got a place on the trip.



I want to cry.

Decisions, decisions?

Should I make ramen and purge it?

Or just go to bed?




In the end, purging always wins.

So disgusting.

I have many dilemmas right now. Most of them involving persons of the opposite gender, and a few of them involving the fact that I'm fat and disgusting and ugly.

More when I'm sober.

I need more blogs to follow.

Any suggestions?
If you follow me and I don't follow you, let me know! I'd love to. :)

Broke my fast.

30 hours.
Broken with:
-1 bag of fruit and nut trail mix (290)
-3 mouthfuls of whipped cream (150)
-8 Doritos (120)
Total: 560 calories

Which is completely disgusting. 560 calories in less than 20 minutes.
Great.

Won't be eating for another 24 hours, hopefully.

22 hours into my 48 hour fast

Almost halfway done.
I feel a little fuzzy but it's not too bad. I've been drinking zero calorie sparkling water all day... So delicious. The first bottle was Mandarin Orange and the second that I'm still working on is Tangerine Lime. Zero calories, 68 cents at Walmart, amazing flavors. My favorite is Fuji Apple Pear. I still have a bottle of White Grape to get me through the rest of today and tomorrow... Hopefully I can convince someone to drive me to Walmart to get more.

Lucky me, I don't have any classes tomorrow. Hooray three day weekend.

Today.

Well.
Today didn't quite go as planned.
Purged my food twice. Ate a Clif bar. Meh.

Food:
1 grilled cheese (purged)
1 cup of french fries with ketchup (purged)
1 bowl of Trix (purged)
1 bowl of ice cream (purged)
1 bag of Fritos (purged)
1 bag of Reese's Pieces (purged)
1 granola bar (purged)
1 Pay Day (purged)
1 Clif bar (240 calories)

@Heather: I've missed you too! So muchh <3

Going to try for a full day fast tomorrow and hopefully Friday. If I make it, I'll let myself maybe go out and have a drink or five.
I'm too broke for weed right now.. Just biding my time until it turns May and I get money from the parents.

I was going to try to find some thinspo, but then I was like, "Eh. Fuck it."
I'll find some if you guys want me to, though. Let me know.

Love and kisses. <3

Well.

I ate yesterday. A lot.
I ate today. I'm about to go purge.

Then it's ballet class and sleep. Sleep forever.

I'm here.

This new Blogger format is so strange. It's going to take some getting used to.

Anyway. I'm here. I'm back. I'm insane.
But what else is new?

I'm so incredibly fat right now. None of my clothes fit. Fucking college.

Kicking it off with a 24 hour fast today. Maybe longer.
Should be easy, I can sleep the day away and not have to worry about food.
Thank God for my English major schedule.

I want to lose 20 lbs by June. I have to. I will.

To my anonymous commentor:

Yes. I did.

I'm not ready.

I'm not ready to be healthy. I'm too addicted to being sick.

I need help. I need therapy, medication, shock treatments, a lobotomy. Something.

I need a cigarette. Maybe that'll curb my hunger to eat everything in sight.
I look in the mirror and I'm disgusted.
Then I go and eat like a wildebeast. Gross.

I've gotten so fat. This needs to stop.

Lost my virginity.

Look at all the fucks I give.

Look at them.

Can you see them?

I can't. Because they don't exist.