A little clarification is in order.

@Sam Lupin, I'm sorry if I worried you. I have been working pretty hard to eat healthy (granola bars are my current vice).
I want to lose weight by exercising and eating right, and my new job allows me a free gym membership.
Now, usually I'm so tired from my day (which is only five hours, so I don't know why I'm always so tired...) that I take naps in the middle (I work 7-9 and 3-6) and go to bed super early. So I'm trying to find time in there to work out. Hopefully I can get my life together and work out in the in-between times. I would like that a lot. I miss being strong and I miss running.

I hate running.
But I miss being able to run without the pain of shin splints.


The struggles of being fat.

Well... I figured it out.

The answer to my recent bout of sadness is quite obvious now.

Thanks to the steady stream of blood gushing from my... Well, you get it.




I would really like to lose some more weight soon. Yes.

I'm very sad.

I don't really have a whole lot of words right now.
I just started a new job and I have no idea what I'm doing.
I hate living with my parents.
I hate not being in college.
I feel very much alone.

Basically, with this job, I ended up with a position that puts me in charge of an entire before/after school program. So I have to make all the lesson plans and themes and do all the paperwork and I wish that I had been hired for the lower assistant position because I have literally no idea what I'm doing.

Nothing I do is ever good enough for my dad.


I miss my friends from college. I feel like I don't have any friends here. The people I work with are nice, but I want to go back to when things didn't matter and I could just live how I wanted.


I hate everything about myself.

Living at home

Is the absolute worst thing in the world.

My dad has cancer whoop de fucking doo. He got his treatment and now he's recovering from that treatment, and because of that, my mom and I are constantly walking on eggshells.
Every time I try to talk to him or tell him about a job I'm looking at applying for, he always comes back with some rude bitchy with a rude bitchy tone comment about how "Why don't you apply for a job in the field you have a degree in?" "We put a roof over your head and food on your plate, so until you start getting a paycheck, you better start doing some fucking work."

JESUS CHRIST I'VE BEEN HOME ONE WEEK.

I was talking to my mom about my resume, and her coworker who is going to help me fix it up, and he starts in with shit about, "You're 22 years old just fucking do it yourself."


I'm so close to just packing my car with as much stuff as possible and moving the fuck out.

I can live in my car until I find a job, right?

Hi.

I got a new computer and I couldn't remember the email I used for this blog and I almost had an aneurysm and cried for a solid 10 minutes before I remembered.

I lost 20 pounds since my tonsillectomy and at camp.

Yay.



I'm cutting my hair off on Tuesday and I'm trying to be a real person. I'm living with my parents.

Post-grad life sucks.

Starving In Suburbia

So there's this Lifetime movie called "Starving In Suburbia" that came out in 2014. It's about a dancer who becomes anorexic after logging onto a "pro-ana"website.

I don't know if any of you have seen it, or how you feel about it.
It started out okay, kind of cheesy.
And then turned into this horror film type deal. Honestly, I'm just laughing about it.

THEN this GOD AWFUL twist ending. Dear Lord.

I could go on.
I don't recommend watching it.
It's terrible.

Sluggish.

Lately I've been feeling really slow and heavy and not like a real person.
And I can almost guarantee that it's because I eat like crap 24/7.
So I put together a little detox for myself that I'm going to try. It's mostly just eating fruits and veggies and drinking water. Essentially.
There are a few days in the detox (it's 21 days long) that are "free" where I can eat what I want, mostly because I'm either at home those days or will be heavily drinking those days. So, free days.

I've decided that if I miss a day or mess up a day, one of those free days will be replaced with the day I fucked up. Also, I'm starting today with just water to get myself in the mood.


And also I don't want to be this fantastically bloated for graduation. So there you go.