Lately.

I've been at camp. I think I've lost a little weight.
But not enough.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to be running twice a day, and one of the classes that I'm teaching is going to be a conditioning class, doing exercises and workout type things.
I need to be thin I need to be thin I need to be thin.
I even considered starting to try to purge at camp. I've never even considered purging at camp. But I know I need to stop eating so much. Every time something goes in my mouth I want to cry. No one really likes me, I don't think. I think everyone just tolerates me. And it makes me want to cry.

Camp makes it so easy to not eat.

I've been at camp the past week. I know I haven't been good about updating here recently. For no reason other than I've been gorging and getting fatter every day. I think I lost a little weight at camp last week. But next week I'm starting running in the morning. A whole group of us are going. It makes me nervous because I'm easily the least in-shape of any of them, and I know I won't be able to run around the lake in 30 minutes like the rest of them. But hopefully by working out with people who are in better shape than me, I'll be able to lose weight faster.

I'm so excited to actually have campers again. I missed them all so much. This is the job that I live for. I need to find something like this for the other 10 months of the year.

I'm hungry.

And I don't want to eat.

But I want to eat.

Don't eat. Eat. Don't eat. Eat.

Back and forth, back and forth.





I need to lose 20 pounds this summer.

I'm in Georgia...

Hopefully losing weight. Also this is a mobile post, so I don't know how this is going to go. I love you all. Thank you so much for you support.

It'd be nice

It'd be nice if someone here would just look at me and hug me and tell me I'm not worthless.



Saturday night was... Interesting. The guy I went to formal with, he's really nice. I got super drunk, and drunk Charlie plus slippery frat floors plus high heels equals lots of ass-falling. He told me I looked really pretty.
I like him.
I do.
Just not like that, I don't think.
I made out with him.


I'm stupid.
What else is new.

What's the point?

I'm never going to be beautiful enough for the guy that I like. I'm never going to be thin enough to look in the mirror and say, "Wow, I look great." I'm never going to be perfect.
So what's the point?

I am so fat.

So ridiculously fat it's gross. I ate so much food today.
I gained 20 pounds at college.
Hopefully I'll be able to lose it this summer.


I got invited to a fraternity formal. The guy is really nice, and I think he likes me. I don't know how I feel about him.

I try not to feel too much nowadays.