I'm hungry.

And I don't want to eat.

But I want to eat.

Don't eat. Eat. Don't eat. Eat.

Back and forth, back and forth.





I need to lose 20 pounds this summer.

I'm in Georgia...

Hopefully losing weight. Also this is a mobile post, so I don't know how this is going to go. I love you all. Thank you so much for you support.

It'd be nice

It'd be nice if someone here would just look at me and hug me and tell me I'm not worthless.



Saturday night was... Interesting. The guy I went to formal with, he's really nice. I got super drunk, and drunk Charlie plus slippery frat floors plus high heels equals lots of ass-falling. He told me I looked really pretty.
I like him.
I do.
Just not like that, I don't think.
I made out with him.


I'm stupid.
What else is new.

What's the point?

I'm never going to be beautiful enough for the guy that I like. I'm never going to be thin enough to look in the mirror and say, "Wow, I look great." I'm never going to be perfect.
So what's the point?

I am so fat.

So ridiculously fat it's gross. I ate so much food today.
I gained 20 pounds at college.
Hopefully I'll be able to lose it this summer.


I got invited to a fraternity formal. The guy is really nice, and I think he likes me. I don't know how I feel about him.

I try not to feel too much nowadays.

I ate so much tonight.

8 Chips Ahoy cookies, 2 Double-Stuf Oreos, 1 rootbeer, 2 handfuls of popcorn, 1 and a half Twizzlers.


I am literally not eating tomorrow.
This is more food than I've consumed all week, pretty much (not counting what I've purged).

Fuck, I have to have dinner with my parents tomorrow.
Fuck.

"Good for her."

Thank you guys for your comments. :) I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't like to use "suffering" to describe it.

While I was walking back from ballet today, in my tights and spandex shorts, hair in a bun, two girls waking behind me started talking. What I heard:
"Oh, I always see her... I want to take ballet."
"Mumble mumble mumble,"
"Mumble mumble... Good for her."

They continued their conversation. I have no idea if the second "her" they were referring to was me... I assumed that it was, and I assumed they said it because of how hideously fat I am.

What other reason could there possibly be?