Haven't weighed myself in over three weeks.

I think it's a new record. I doubt I've lost any weight, but I have lost fat.
My butt's getting bigger from all the hills.

I need to start running in the morning. I did a few weeks ago, then my knee got fucked up.


I'm at home now, but I can't weigh myself because I've just consumed an entire bag of trail mix.

And K is in love with one of the new girls, who's seventeen (he's nineteen).

And whatever.

I had a skank moment last Saturday when we were partying at my friend's camp, hooked up with another guy on staff who has a girlfriend.

And whatever.




I have a total crush on one of the other guys, but he's only seventeen too. And I feel like getting involved with a high school kid when I'm going off to college is such a bad idea.



So whatever.
I'm very apathetic right now.


But camp is fun. I miss talking to you all. <3

I'm leaving for the week.

Bye.

Yep.

I purged.
Six fucking blueberry muffins, that were supposed to be for breakfast tomorrow.
If I had saved them, they probably would have stayed in my tummy.
Which would be bad.


Think I'm slipping into my random psychotic-type thought again.
Don't know what's happening.

Oh well. Crazy blog posts make for good literature.
Enjoy my insanity.

I want ice cream.

For the past few days, I haven't really been in the mood for any food. Now I want ice cream. Ice cream with brownie bits in it.
I've never really liked brownie ice cream until this year. Weird.

Lucky for my fat cells, there's none in the house, and I'm too exhausted to go get some.

Thank you guys for your comments, and I do appreciate your concern.

@Aye Ell, I do know that it's not an effective way of losing weight. I mostly use it for emotional stress. To be completely honest with you, I have come away from purges feeling better, but mostly only because I feel like I've punished myself successfully. I know that's sick. Thank you for your concern. <3

@Astrid, it is good advice! We say it so much, I think we sometimes forget how to do it. If that makes sense. <3

So, I'll leave you guys with that good advice: stay strong. No matter what curve balls life throws at you.

Daily Thinspo

Random Thought of the Day:

If you turned me inside out, would you see the scars I hide inside?


I'm an incredibly self-destructive person.
I just don't leave any trace.


God fuck, I need to purge. Maybe have a b/p-fest this weekend before camp on Monday.
Maybe.

Daily Thinspo

(Pretty much.)

Among my frivolous thoughts, I believe there are beautiful things seen by the astronauts.

Thank you guys for your wonderful comments. <3 I really do appreciate them.

Sorry it's been so long since I last posted.
The title is from the song "Angels" by Owl City (the new album is amazing).


So what have I been doing?
Let's see...

-Gaining weight
-Bingeing
-Pretending I don't care that I'm hideously fat
-Secretly hating the new girls at camp for being pretty and skinny
-Eating more
-Sleeping too much
-Not working out

Also, I have a nasty rash on my arms. I have no idea what it's from, but it itches like no fucking other.


Camp hasn't started yet, I still have a week to go. On Saturday, we had staff work day.
For those of you who care: yes, K is still goofy and adorable.

I'm really worried about this summer and the new girls and what's going to happen.
I like where I stand with everyone right now (pretty much), and I don't want anyone to replace me.

And I want to be the person everyone adores.




But fuck, that won't happen while I'm still fat.
I'm a disgusting human being.

Daily Thinspo

(There are no words to describe how much I love Lights.)

I just want someone to look at me, for once in my life, and say, "I love you, and I never want to see you hurt again. You mean everything to me."
It'd be nice if they meant it, too.

Is that so wrong?

No thinspo today. Sorry. I feel like shit.