Psychiatrist.

I have an appointment with the school psychiatrist to discuss ADD/ADHD issues.
My meeting with the therapist went really well, and she wrote a recommendation for me to see the psychiatrist.
T-Minus 2 weeks until I go in. Right before Thanksgiving break.

My Thanksgiving will be on Wednesday, not Thursday. I've been scheduled to work ON Thanksgiving as well as on Black Friday, so just kill me now I guess.

You should all read this.

It's a short story called "The Fat Girl" by Andre Dubus.
Here's a link.
http://apelac3.edublogs.org/files/2012/03/The-Fat-Girl-297rfhc.pdf

This is my life, actually.

All Over the Place.

My head is spinning.
I can't handle personal relationships.
I just want to cry.
And punch something.
And cry some more.

Reorganization

Today I ate:
BREAKFAST
-1/2 grapefruit with 1 tablespoon of sugar (68)
-1 cup of orange juice (100)
-2 slices of toast with margarine  (210)
LUNCH
-Scrambled cheddar egg (1 large egg, 2 oz cheddar cheese, shredded, 2 tablespoons milk) (232)
-2 slices of toast with margarine (210)
-2 Snickers Peanut Butter Squares (260)
-2 Nutter Butters (130)
SNACK
-Inaccurate measurement of Doritos (90)
-1 Vitamin Water (120)
-1 bag of Jack Links Teriyaki Tender Bites (70)
DINNER (this is where shit hit the fan)
-McDonald's chocolate shake, no whipped cream (850)
-2 hamburgers, no pickles (500)
-10 piece chicken nuggets (470)
-1 oz. ketchup (10)
-1/2 large fries (255)
Total: 3,466


Holy crap that is so much food.
I feel like I'm forgetting something.
I was doing really well until my night class, then got hamburger cravings. And gorged myself.
This is actually disgusts me.
I kind of hate myself a lot.



EDIT;
I just was looking back through my old blog entries and I realized.

I haven't purged since February.

8 months.
This is the longest I've gone without purging since 2011.
It makes me kind of sadhappy.

What's new.

A lot has been going on in my life.
I've been spending lots of my mother's money.
Mostly at Sephora.

I'm dating someone. For the first time in my life. His name is Mike. He's a ginger. He's really nice.
I'm working on getting treatment for my ADD/ADHD.
Hopefully Adderall.
I just want to be not stressed. I've been reading a lot about ADD/ADHD in women and how different it is from men.
And all of it is exactly how I've been feeling for a really long time, and I think to myself: why couldn't I have found this sooner?
I could have a 4.0 right now.

My plan is to really start restricting next Sunday, building myself up for it.
I have a lot of apples. Three grapefruits.
God.

Restricting

I think I'm going to try restricting. Maybe not tomorrow exactly.
Probably over my break (this coming weekend).

I like starting on Sundays. It's easy to sleep the day away.

Right now, I need to organize my life.
My room looks like a hurricane hit (it hasn't been this messy all year).
I have an essay due Thursday that I haven't even thought about.
My room looks like no longer looks like a bomb went off, and I rearranged things, and I'm finally doing laundry.

Help.

Wow.

I haven't hated myself this bad in a really long time.

Fuck.